My Story — The Cliffnotes

Innocence

I was raised in New York by a single Mama. My family would tell you I was a ham who could put on a show anytime, anywhere. I was a big feeler, who often got ridiculed for my sensitivity and told that I need “toughen up”. I loved to learn new things and create whole worlds from my imagination. I’d sit at a table and doodle or paint for hours. I was blessed to grow up in a 4-generation household with my great-grandfather, my grandparents, and my mom and I. As an only child I’d spend time learning new skills and earning Girl Scout badges (basically I did extra school on the weekends… voluntarily). And most of all I loved to be in the kitchen on Sundays with all the women in my Sicilian family making sauce from tomatoes in the garden.

Maidenhood

I lost myself in addiction betwen 13-25 refusing to feel feelings from the death of my Mother and the absence of my Father. I hid my pain behind a pretty-popular-promiscuous-party girl mask for a long time. From an insecure Catholic High School girl pretending she was tough, to an insincere college kid sleeping around, to a ladder-climbing fashion designer in NY going to shallow parties with models and magazine editors. 

A decade of not really living, just pretending. 

But, it’s all I knew.

Maturity

At 25, I had a life-changing/samadhi experience (spiritual awakening) where I existed as pure consciousness for 3 days without food or sleep, prayed, and met God in a way I had never known (free of any mind-altering substances). I eventually got up, got sober, and changed my whole life. A few months later it was followed by a 10-day energetic orgasm (sounds better than it was) that led to teachers who could support me.

A year or so later I was fiercely and lovingly invited, by a magical wayshower of a woman, Haize Hawke, to grow up. She looked me in the eyes with her Scorpionic smile and said softly, “We need you, we need your medicine.” She saw what I was capable of and invited me to step into it.

In that moment I silently decided I was done with all the lies I had been telling myself that were keeping me from my greatness, my fullest expression of purpose, and knowing myself as love.

And then on cue… I was catapulted into the dark depths of grief losing my entire existence as I knew it: partner, child, community, career, home… all gone. A long overdue hellish journey which I have come appreciate as it lead me to finding who I truly am without wrapping my identity up in the external. Plus, I found a Dear Friend and ally, Grief.

Mother

On the other side of that I had nothing left to do but serve.

So, I got to it.

8 years working as a Counselor in a leading holistic addiction center, 5 years volunteering in CA State Prisons, 2 years going to get my Masters Degree in Spiritual Psychology, throw in a Vision Quest, a decade of private practice, building a multi-six-figure online business, being a loyal and dependable friend, softening and healing through loving my God-children, welcoming true love, getting married, and supporting thousands of women to lead by choosing their path of maturity… and there you have it: the better portion of a decade of Mothering my creations.

Mid-Life

I crossed the very precipice of my mid-life threshold at 35, thinking I would take some time off, rest into being held by my partnership and have children. (As they say, if you want to make God laugh, tell them your plans.) Instead the East swallowed me whole and invited me to shed, once again, the identities of self that no longer honored who I am.

My good friend Grief returned and I was invited to release myself and my husband from our marriage, release the idea of becoming a mother, and release the future I had planned as a family that we would no longer be. That was the tangible — but underneath I was being asked to release myself from patterns and identities rooted in smallness, fear, not-enoughness, unloveability. Seeshh… I thought I had already done this already? But, deeper layers emerged to be seen and integrated, and I knew it was because I was ready and that something greater than I could imagine was awaiting me on the other side.

I dissolved into a death/rebirth cycle. At times, I stood firmly in this initiation with clear empowered knowing, and at other times I got to meet the very scared and protective parts of myself who in their unresolved pain clung desperately to falsehoods.

I transformed the concept of mid-life crisis into mid-life reclamation.

The other side looks more clear, empowered, sovereign, healthy, capable, stable, loving, and trusting than ever before. It looks like slow-living, moving at the speed of trust, and resting in the ease of magnetism as I am supported without effort or attachment to achievement.

It was hell on earth, and can truly say I’m so grateful for every moment… knowing the best is yet to come.

(I told you… Cliffnotes.)

My Love… there’s nothing else to do but mature.

Choose it. Or it will choose you.

For my Biz Babes, you know entrepreneurship is Soul Work. Allow yourself to be moved into the embodied profundity of your Mother Archetype — so you can do what you came here to do…

Serve generously.